Hey guys,

Just saw that it's been ages since my last journal entry XD

So far, I'm doing very well <3
Life is very busy, but I'm happy!

So I just felt like showing you my cosplay plans for this year

But as you know, changes are always possible!
(hopefully I'll get to cosplay One Piece somewhere in between >


Leipzig Bookfair 2011 (already over)
Friday - > Alice Cullen (New Moon) [old]
Saturday -> Suki [Fire Nation] (Avatar - The Last Airbender) [new]
Sunday -> Bo Peep (Toy Story) [new]

Animuc
Saturday -> Belle [Yellow Dress] (The Beauty and the Beast) [old]
Sunday -> Tinkerbell [probably Lost Treasure] (Tinker Bell) [old]

Hanami
Saturday -> Rapunzel (Tangled) [new]
Sunday -> Belle [Blue Dress] (The Beauty and the Beast) [new]

Dokomi
Saturday -> Thumbelina (Thumbelina) [new]
Sunday -> Kirika (Noir) [new]

AmiRu
Saturday -> Tinkerbell [Great Fairy Rescue] (Tinker Bell) [new]
Sunday -> SURPRISE! [new]

AnimagiC
Friday -> either Hermione (Harry Potter) or Cesare (Cantarella) [old]
Saturday -> Tinkerbell [Great Fairy Rescue] (Tinker Bell) [new]
Sunday -> Captain Dolce (Eternal Sonata) [new]

gamescom
Saturday -> Aqua (Kingdom Hearts - Birth by Sleep) [new]
maybe Sunday -> Oerba dia Vanille (Final Fantasy XIII) [old]

Connichi
Friday -> Oerba dia Vanille (Final Fantasy XIII) [old]
Saturday -> Chrno (Chrono Crusade) [new]
Sunday -> Aqua (Kingdom Hearts - Birth by Sleep) [new]

Frankfurt Bookfair
Saturday -> Bo Peep (Toy Story) [new]
Sunday -> Rapunzel (Tangled) [new]

Mega Manga Con
Saturday -> not yet decided
Sunday -> not yet decided


haha, once again, a year filled with tons of conventions and cosplays
But that's the way I want it lol XD

And I'm thinking about going to MCM London Expo or Abunai... it would be pretty awesome! *_* But it'll depend on how much money I'll have XD

Looking forward to each cosplay soooo soooo much *_*
Any favs?

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE <3

Seems like my journal's been dead like forever LOL XD

Sorry that I couldn't wish you all a Merry Christmas and all, but I was in Berlin for the Xmas Holidays and in Bavaria for New Year's Eve!

SORRY!

But I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and had a great time celebrating the NEW YEAR <3
I sure did!

I normally never do this, but since 2010 was pretty much a awful year(in many ways... even though there were also some really amazing things that happened that year), I think it's time for some new year's resolutions! ^^

Some a silly, some are not XD

- do some kind of sport (I'm getting out of shape XD)
- being better organized
- being more tidy (though I think this might be in vain XD)
- picking up piano lessons again
- read more books! (I read quite a few this year, but not as many as I used to)
- finish my cosplays early! XD
- don't get stressed over little thing so much
- keep in touch with more people
- go to Ireland again
- help more people (this I always try to do...)
- being more hard-working!
- don't hang around the internet as much xD
- visit more people!
- get back to my old self.
- being more mature
- loose weight (hate me for saying this, but the cold months made me put on too much weight XD)
- go out more?
- finally having a real relationship? (CALL ME STUPID, I DONT CARE D
- being more open for new things
- answer to more comments xD"
- finally find my own style xD
- stop being so annoying xD
- stop being lazy :'D
- finding back to my happy self <3
- laughing more!
- crying less! XD
- finally collect all Ewan McGregor DVDs XDDDDD
- go to at least ONE concert!
- talk to a very dear person more and hopefully see them, too...
- being a great friend!
- AND MANY MORE THINGS! XD

....so have you anything you absolutely want for yourself this year?!


P.S.: Forgot to say... I am actually feeling very happy atm I don't really know why... there's a lot going on and I've lost a few things last year and a lot of kinda bad things happened... but a lot of good things happened, too. And for some reason, I feel very pleased and happy at the moment. ^____^ Though there's one thing that could me make me even more happy... <3

Hey there!

This weekend it's Frankfurt Bookfair...
And to all the (mostly German) people who go there...
I won't be going as Belle.

It's still too far from finished ;A;
So on Saturday I'll be going as Tinkerbell (Lost Treasure) and on Sunday you'll see me as No-Ah from Legend!

I'm quite sad, that I can't finish on time, but I'm still looking forward to the bookfair.

My next and last convention after that will be AniMaCo in Berlin and there I plan to wear Belle on Sunday.
and hopefully I'll be able to wear it a lot of times next year

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the

better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the

better?

But because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

I have been changed for good

-

lyrics (c) by Wicked Musical

-

I listened to the Wicked soundtrack (the German though) and got stuck with this song. It reminded me of how everyone you meet, changes you a tiny bit.
And it made me think of all the people I met and how they changed me, especially the FFXIII project's people which has only been 1 1/2 weeks a got...
It doesn't need a lot of time for people to affect you and even just a weekend can be enough to change you...

And now that I've been changed for good.

Hey guys,

Some of you might know about *Anathiell 's Final Fantasy XIII project in Ireland.

I came back from on Sunday and if there's one thing I can say: IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!
So many things went wrong, but also so so many things went perfectly right!

Just a slight warning if anyone actually bothers to read this - this is going to be my longest journal entry EVER. And it's going to be MASSIVE.
So if anyone actually manages to read all of this - you're great. xD (or maybe just bored?)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The days before I left

I was so exciteeeeeeeeed XD

So before I went to Ireland, I had been at ~Kukkusche's place for a few day, which of course was incredibly awesome
From there I went to :nightmareluffy:'s place on thursday, cause he lives closer to the airport than me or Kukku do.
I had also not seen him for some time, so I kind used this chance to visit him. We had a nice short evening, even though poor Luffy had to work until 2 in th morning.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> FRIDAY

So Friday was the day I was leaving for Ireland and of course - I overslept XD
Just like me to oversleep, when it's important to wake up on time. xD

Anyway, I managed to catch my train after all, even though Düsseldorf airport is confusing as hell XD
Landing in Dublin, I was overwhelmed by being in my favourite country again and was glad that I got picked up by Peter, Serah and Fang <3
Awesome peeeeople~~
I was really afraid, that I had to look for those guys everwhere, but Serah recognized me instantly, so YAY!

To be honest, when I was on the plane, I was scared of many things like "What if they don't like me?" or "What if I'm not enough as Vanille after all?" and so on...
But in the end, everyone was great and accepted me the way I am. It couldn't have been any better.

I'm still glad I new Snow from before, because it actually helped me to decide to participate in the first place. And I probably would've hated myself if I didn't!

So after getting picked up our small group went for a walk in phoenix park and then to a shopping centre, so Peter had time to collect Ana from work and pick up Snow and Hope from the airport later on.

So we stormed all of the games shops there XD and then I bought a Slinky dog and a Buzz Lightyear DVD XDDDDD (yes I love Toy Story)
Then I was finally able to meet up with my beloved friend Kate, who I haven't seen for two years.
We only met for less than an hour, but it was totally worth it and I was incredibly happy to see her again <3

We then finally went to Ana's place, where I got to meet the rest of our group, which was great <3 I already felt like home, when Ana hugged me to greet me <33333

So we had a nice bbq and got to know each other better. We also met our great photographer Martin, a truly brilliant person.
We then practiced our skit for a bit and went to bed to get some sleep, cause we had to get up early the next morning.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SATURDAY

Saturday - the day of chaos, the day of cold wind, the day of awesomness, the day of everything and nothing XD

The day started with about everything going wrong. Some time of the day I thought, that someone just wanted to make us face difficulties like the characters in the game. After all - an adventure without difficulties wouldn't be an adventure, would it?

We got up at 5.30 so we'd be able to leave at 7. My back piece came off the moment I put on the top and I had to fix it. So Fang and I barely managed to be ready on time...
When we left the house a bit late, we somehow managed to get lost. We drove around for a while to find our way back to the actual route and then Fang got sick. Me and Serah didn't feel that good either, so we had to take a little break. When we moved again, I actually forgot my neclaced ON THE ROOF OF THE CAR! OMG!
Luckily, one of the nice guys with us noticed, PHEW!
Somewhere along the trip, we bumped into that huge stone and damaged two wheels of our car. So we had to change one of them.
It's kind of like bad things just kept happening XD" It was like Murphy's law became true XD Everthing than can go wrong, will go wrong XD

So anyway, after a while we arrived at our first destination, which was on top of a mountain and... it was beautiful... it was GRAND PULSE!

But the problem was - IT WAS FREEZING! I haven't been that cold in a long time!
It wouldn't have been so bad, if there hadn't been that freakingly strong wind. So we all got out, wrapped in Jackets and Blankets and all cuddled together.

We got brave enough to take a few pictures, but went back under blankets after only a short time.
I only managed to take about three pictures or so, cause I just couldn't stay in the cold much longer.
I felt bad about complaining the whole time, but honestly - even though everyone was cold, I think I was off the worst, cause Vanille just wears the fewest clothes of everyone. It wasn't much better for Fang either I guess. Pulse guys should really buy more clothes! XD

Anyway we didn't stay there that long, cause we got chased away by some guy, as that place turned out to be private property...

We drove to another great place, but I didn't even get out of the car there. I was just too cold xD"
And poor Fang was busy fixing her neclace and speer anyway, so I wouldn't have gotten to take pictures with her anyway >w<

So we then found a forest - where it wasn't as cold - so YAY <3 We finally were able to take a few more pictures <33333333

So after a short break we tried to find a lake to take pictures at... which turned put to be more difficult than expected, since everything in Ireland seems to be private property xD

But after a while we found a public lake, took some picture on a bridge and at that lake.
The only problem - THE WIND WAS BACK, oh nooooooes~~~
It was cold once again and my stupid back piece kept slapping me in the face XD

Anyways - we then went back home to have something to eat and get ready for NomCon, where we arrived around half past 5.

It was great that they let us in for free. It was a bit sad that we didn't get to do our skit after all, especially after all the work Fang put into it, but the stage was just to small.
We were allowed to particpate in the hero walk on, which was really cool <33333
Anyway NomCon was great, but small - so were actually getting stared at all the time Which was cool, but something new for me as well XD"

At this point, let me say thank you to !CelestialSpear ,who really did all the she could do for us! You are great and I loved meeting you, thanks for everything!

So after NomCom we walked around to take some more pictures and then went back home, as we all were really tired.

We then took a first look at the amazing pictures of the day, which was breath-taking.
And as we were all exhausted, we went to bed early.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>> SUNDAY

So on Sunday we were planning to leave at 9 o'clock, but when the alarm clocks went off around 7.30... no one bothered to get up XD
And when it was 8, everyone was still in bed. XD

Around that time, Ana showed up and told we were not going anywhere, so we were all VERY HAPPY about that xD

So after having a nice long breakfast and recovering a little, (We were all kind of sick from the last day) we decided to set up a small studio at home
This way we were finally able to look at the screenshots that were sent it and try photos according to them.

At this point I was really grateful, that everyone was so considerate... cause they let me go first. I was the only one who already left on Sunday (T_T) and so we decided to take all the pictures Vanille was in first.
Thank you guys!

It was hard for me to get the right expression first... And I thought that I would look totally fail next to all those great people, cause they did so well with expressions and poses and so on >w<
But I think, I kind of got the hang of it and it turned out okay :3
It was fun trying to immitate some scenes <3 it was an entirely new experience for me!

So Sunday went by TOO quickly!
I finished my pictures, watched the others take some more, got changed, packed my stuff, looked at some of the photos again and then it was already time for me to leave ;_______;

For a moment there I was DESPERATE. I didn't want to go. I didn't want the weekend to end just yet, I didn't want to leave Ireland AGAIN and most of all, I didn't want to leave our group. A small group of people, that I got to like so so much in only a short time. It was a bit like leaving my family behind or something.

So when I had to go, I actually couldn't keep myself from crying. I normally hate to cry in front of people. It's something I normally just don't do. But I couldn't help it...

Everyone hugged me and sayed very kind words to me, which was very very touching. There was so much I wanted to say to them and thank them for, especially Ana. But in the end I couldn't really say that much. But I think the know anyway.

So Peter and Fang drove me back to the airport, which was really nice! It was just so right to have Fang with me, haha XD
When we got to the airport, I was actually planning how to get Fang on the plane with me to bringe her home with me XD

Anyway, I said goodbye to my last two new friends and got lost on the airport, even though Peter had told me where to go before XD
I'm just hopeless I guess... (OH THE IRONY XD)

The flight back to Germany was pretty horrible, since I got terribly sick on the plane.
It might've been the excitement, the sadness, the general hate towards planes, the exhaustion or the fact that I ate too much Tuna pizza XD

I dunno what it was, but I got sick... like really... 8D

Anyways, I went back to Luffy's place, which was nice again <3
Thanks a lot for letting me stay over :3333
I overslept again on Monday and then went back home to sleep the whole damn day XD


>>>>>>>>>>>>>> AND NOW?

So... what I can say about all this? It was one of the best weekends of my life!
It was an adventure! It made me love FFXIII even more! It was like real visit too Grand Pulse and made me feel more like Vanille than ever.
Oh yeah and of course it got me a new favourit word: "VANILLISH" ! Best word ever XD

But most important of all - I got to meet new people, new friends:

Fang (~Orochimarisu )- Who's not only an amazing cosplayer, but a great person as well. You really were like Fang to me... as in a bit like Fang's towards Vanille. We had a lot of fun and I'll be forever grateful to have met you.

Snow (Ascott) - whom I've known for almost 2 years before this project, but never as good as I know him now... we were friends before, but we're even closer friends now. And I don't even have to say anything about being the perfect Snow.

Serah (*Priestess-Shizuka) - who is the perfect Serah, the perfect sister for Ana... you're the cutest and nicest person and I got to like you a lot in only a short time. Being with you made me happy

Hope (relentlessKey) - who was just like Hope - being a bit shy at the beginning, but talking more and more towards the end XD I really loved listening to all those stories you told us and you mad the impossible possible - you mad me like Hope XD

Peter - you were THE GUY! yes THE guy XD You managed a lot of things so well and tried to help in every way possible <3 you were always there to make a bad joke (and I love bad jokes XD) and you tried to keep a cool head all the time. Thanks so much for everything you did :3

Lukazs and all the other guys that drove around with us - Thanks for helping us, thanks for being there, thanks for just about everything! I didn't get to know all of you that well but I'm grateful for your help!

!CelestialSpear - I only saw you a very very short time but took a liking to you instantly! Thanks thanks thanks for helping us at NomCon! You were amazing!

Martin (!losticini) - an amazing photographer and a great person. He was really up for this adventure, so full of energy and ideas! He helped us with posing, expressions and you were a lot of fun to be with. There couldn't have been a better person to come along with us!

And last but not least:
Ana/Light (*Anathiell) - words cannot express how grateful I am to you. You were amazing as Lightning, you were amazing as person. You organized all of this and made your dream come true. I couldn't be more happy to have been part of this. Thanks so much for bringing this project to live and managing all this so well and most of all thanks for letting me be part of this. You're simply great. Thank you.

I will truly miss all you very very much. This weekend is something I'll forever remember.
I really hope we will all meet again.

Thanks for making this weekend as great as it was. And sorry for sounding all emotional and so on, but this is how I truly feel now.

Thank you guys!

"Vanillish" greetings from Germany!! XD

Hey guys!

It's been a while since I've written anything... :'D

Lately I've been a bit bothered by the fact, that all the characters I cosplayed this year (and some before) seem to be somewhat similiar.

What I mean is... I always seem to pick or get those happy, nice and smiling characters like Vanille, Yuffie, Rikku, selphie, Alice, Mimi, Tinkerbell, Daisy, Anastasia and so on D:

Of course there's always a little difference between them, but not that much really >_<

Don't get me wrong, I loved to cosplay them! I only pick characters  I like, so it's not like I was forced or anything... AND I do like being like them, because I'm somewhat like them myself as well...
but it's just that, always cosplaying the same type of character gets boring pretty fast D:

Always smiling and being hyper isn't that much of a challenge, once you get used to it.

I want something different!! D:

Something like my No-Ah or Keika Cosplay... a different kind of character >___<

I understand, that my choices are limited, because of my face and my height °_° (which is my second reason for choosing characters like Vanille, 'cause it just fits...)

It's not like I'll be able to pull of some tall, manly guy or something, but maybe there some characters I can do >____<

At the moment I'm mostly looking forward to my Cesare (Cantarella) Cosplay at Connichi... not only because I love him, the manga and my group... but also because he's a tragic and evil personality %D

So I finally get to be different.


But I want more different characters...

So I'm asking whoever might read this:


WHO SHOULD I COSPLAY?



I'd be forever grateful for your help! >w<

Hey guys,

there's just something I wanna tell you (if anyone ever reads this anyway).
Its about Sunny (~Sunny-Sunshine87), so far the person I cosplayed with the most.

I have to say, you probably won't see much of her anymore. If anything at all.
We kinda broke off our friendship.
Or, well I did.

I'm the kind of person, that never fights people. I just can't.
But with her I did and a lot. I won't say, it was all only her fault (even though she would say so about me), because there's always two people involved.

But our friendship kept getting worse and worse, we hardly saw each other anymore and when we did, we fought.
She's the kind of person that argues a lot with people and often says things, that hurt you very much, without her realizing just how much.

After hearing from her again and again, just horrible I was and a lot of other things, I won't say here, because I don't wanna make it sound like I'm writing this to make her look bad; I couldn't take it anymore.

Over the years, there were a lot of times we almost broke off our friendship. But I never wanted to, I just never could. I always fought for us and often she did, too. I always thought our was worse it, I really did.
But there's a point where even someone like me can't take it anymore and that time has come.

Of course in her opinion I'm stupid for not letting her break off the friendship earlier and now doing it myself. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised by that anymore.

When I told her, our friendship was over, it was the hardest thing for me to do. It's just so unlike me. I felt so guilty.
I tried to not only say bad things about her and us. I pointed out the good parts of our friendship and how I would miss those.
But as always, all she seemed to hear were the bad parts. And all I got back as an answer were hateful words and accusations.

This was probably the only thing, that made the guilt pass.

Again, I don't intend to make her look bad. If she was a horrible person, I wouldn't have been close friends with her for such a long time.
But this is just how it was for me and there would be so much more to say... but I don't wanna reveal too much, sorry.

So I just wanted to say, it's over now. I feel sad that it had to end this way. I lost a very close friend with her, but I also lost the only person, that kept bringing me down emotionally. It was killing me and there was no other way.

I had hoped that we could've talked like adults, but after all those hateful words, I'll probably never talk to her again.

And you probably won't see much of her on my DeviantArt page either. Only if I maybe upload some old pictures.

This is a really hard blow for me to take, but there's also a lot of friends, who I've grown close to and who help me smiling through it.

For those people and everyone else who keeps making me smile, I could not be more grateful.
Thank you.

No matter how hard it is, I'll always find a reason to smile.

Hey guys.

I'm normally not the type to write sad journal entries, but today I kinda feel like it.

I've been feeling down lately and I don't know why. It's like a wave of sadness just suddenly washed over me without any reason.
I've been trying to think of what might unconsciously make me sad, but I can't find out.
Instead it makes me start to think of other sad things, which I got over already and makes my mood even worse.

Being sad is always hard, but being down without knowing why is even worse. I'm normally the positive kind of person who always tries to find a way back to happiness.

But how can you fight a sadness you don't know the reason for?

It also made me think of Ireland again, which I started to miss again now more than ever. At least it made me write some letters to my friends and my host family again, which I haven't done for quite some time.

But the days I think back to my time in Ireland are always hard for me, because even though it's been 2 years since my last visit and 3 years since I lived there for 6 months, I miss everyone so much it really hurts. I've got no idea how that happened. I got so attached to Ireland and everyone I met...

As sappy as it sounds, but I think I left some part of me in Ireland.

There's one thing about me, that's really bad...
If I get hurt or something painful happens, it stays with me forever. Even though I get over most things after some time, a tiny bit of every pain always stays somewhere within me. Every disappointment I experience leaves an impression on me.

I can say I have lived a quite harmonic and happy life so far. But every person is hurt and disappointed sometimes, no matter how happy their life might be. And maybe, because I haven't had as many as other, I took them to heart a bit more or something? I don't know...
But there are days, when it all comes crashing down on me and leaves me breathless.

It's the same for arguing. I hardly ever get into arguements, but if I do than it influences my mood even several weeks later and it stays with me for a very long time.
On the contrary there are people, even families, who argue almost every day. To them an arguement doesn't mean much. They forget about it after an hour or so and everyone is happy again.
It's not like this for me.

Sorry for this rather... strange journal entry, but I just felt like writing this down.